A Letter to a Stranger

Dear Stranger,

Definitely this letter will not reach you. I will not let you and absolutely do not want you to read this. But somehow, I'm wishing that destiny will find ways for you to be able to see this. Funny and impossible...so I guess this will remain unread. It will only serve as an outlet of my emotion...a pocket-full of words I am feeling this moment...of what I really wanted to say but will never ever have the courage so I am keeping this to myself.

Knowing you was totally unexpected. It just happened one significant day and since then, you have managed to become a part of my everydays. You were right when you said that it is not easy for me to trust someone...the more if that someone, I have only known online. I can't just give my trust to someone who gave me a very sweet online invitation for a date...to someone who wrote me an online letter expressing his intent to know me more...to someone who's too sweet and too good to be true. But believe it or not, in that very very short period of time, you have earned my trust. Because if not, why did I find myself going out with a total stranger?

Maybe it's the sinscerity of your every word that made me want to meet you. And when I did, I know from my heart that you are indeed a good person. But there is something in your eyes that is scaring me. I think I saw pain...hatreds...insecurieties. Behind your kindness and sweetness... the person I have known or maybe the person you want me to see, I am seeing a total stranger. A stranger who has so many hang-ups and bitterness. A stranger who's not yet ready to give his heart. I got scared of you. Of course I have my own fears...but there is something inside me who wants to help you forget. But still I am afraid of you...I am afraid of so many things. It was so confusing.

I remembered you telling me that you do not believe in destiny because in the end, what will matter is our choice. But I believe in both...so I asked God to give me a sign. If He gives it to me, it means I need not to be afraid...it means it's safe to fall. But I want to be sure this time, di ba sabi ko sa'yo sablay lagi ako sa signs... so before I made a deal with Him, I need another sign to tell me that He agrees with me...and He did. I eagerly waited for the sign. After the deadline that I have set, I need to make a decision...whether to continue or not...to decide to fall or not to...I need to, I made a deal. He gave it to me 5 minutes before my set deadline. At exactly 9:55 pm, I received the sign. Pero mukhang sablay na naman ako because just as I received the sign, that's when I started hearing nothing from you. It was so sudden I cannot understand what went wrong.

Today is the third day I am hearing nothing from you. I am so worried if you are ok but I can see that you are fine...I asked you but I received no reply. I know it is too early to say but I guess I am loosing you. I thought it's ok. Afterall, I've only known you for exactly 22 days now. But I'm surprised with my reaction. Why am I missing you? I am missing you so much... Nakakainis ka naman eh...Kung gano ka kabilis dumating sa buhay ko, ganun ka din pala kabilis na mawawala.

I cannot blame you though because you have your own reasons. But I thought you were different. The hell...di nga pala kita kilala. I barely know you. I do not want to hate you because you've been so good to me. But why am I so disappointed? I'm sorry...Kung lalayo ka din pala sana di nalang kita nakilala. I do not know if this is pain, but I feel like throwing up...

Just as when I decided to fully trust, you decided to leave.

How could you...This can't be happening...why is a stranger breaking my heart?