My Dilemma

I'm 22 and I'm still afraid to go home alone.

I can't believe myself for being such a weakling, coward, OA or whatever you want to call it. Pano ba naman, maniniwala kaba na hanggang ngayon, takot pa din akong umuwing magisa? And it's true...This has been my dilemma for more than five years now.

Freshman palang ako sa UP Los Banos, takot na ako umuwi sa Tarlac every sembreak and long weekends. At kung takot ako, mastakot ang parents ko to let me travel home alone...Ewan, siguro alam nilang di ko kaya. Good thing I have my brother with me in LB na nakakasabay everytime na uuwi sa Tarlac at babalik ulet ng LB...O kaya susunduin ako ng parents ko. Ganon ako naka-survive nung freshmen. I never considered going home alone during those times, kaya di ko gusto malaman kung anong sasakyan namin...kung saan kami bababa at kung saan ulet sasakay para makarating ng Tarlac...ang tanda ko noon, 2 bus ang sinakyan namin for 5-6 hours and we're home.

I was sophomore when my brother said that I need to go home alone because he's doing his thesis. Madedelay daw siya ng paguwi. He taught me everything I need to know for me to be home. He even gave a sketch ng mga lugar na bababaan. Siyempre di ako pumayag kase ayaw ko...takot ako. So I have no choice but to stay in LB and wait until matapos niya data gathering. Pero sayang ang araw and I really wanted to go home kaya humingi ako ng tulong sa mga friends ko. At swerte ko talaga kase may nahanap sila na makakasabay ko pag-uwi na taga samen din (another Kuya who later became my brod in UP Tarlaquenos). Kaya lang na-confused ako kase bakit kami sumakay sa MRT e di naman kami sumasakay ng kuya ko dun? But anyway siya naman ang may dala ng gamit ko kaya sumusunod lang ako...At nakauwi naman kami ng ligtas. Bus...MRT...Bus...ayaw kong isipin. Iba ang way niya pauwi sa Kuya ko.

Junior na ako at grad na ang kuya ko (grad na din ung nakasabay ko nung sophomore). Pero swerte pa rin kase sa UPLB siya nagwork as an Instructor. Kaya lang di pala porke't sembreak eh sembreak din ng mga teachers...Well this time I have no choice but to go home alone. This time kelangan kong isapuso ang ituturo ng kuya ko kung pano umuwi...Pero dahil mabait sila saken, ganito ang mangyayari: Isasakay niya ako sa bus papuntang Cubao...pagbaba ko sa Cubao, my other Kuya o yung isa kong brother (na nagaaral sa Manila) is already waiting there at isasakay naman niya ako ng bus papuntang Tarlac...At pagbaba ko naman sa Tarlac eh nakaabang na ang Papa ko sa bus. Kelangan ko lang itxt sa kanila kung nasaan na ako at kung ano ang plate number ng sinakyan ko...at pagtigil ng bus, andun na sila agad sa pintuan...hehe I'm lucky to have brothers and parents like them.

Ganun din nung Senior na ako. Pero may improvement, di na ako nagpapasundo sa Cubao, sa Tarlac nalang. Actually pagbaba ko naman kase ng Cubao, tatawid lang ako ng overpass at bus station na. Ewan ba, takot talaga akong magbiyahe magisa kahit alam ko naman sa sarili ko na di ako mawawala. Of course I know how to read. May bibig din naman ako para magtanong. Hehe yan din ang lagi kong naririnig sa mga friends ko.

After graduation, siyempre job hunting... Dito ako proud na proud sa sarili ko kase for the first time in my life, I was able to travel and go to unfamiliar places --ALONE (yehey!). Pero siyempre madalas may kasama ako. Minsan kasabay ko mga sis ko sa soro...may job interview din ako na sinamahan ako ng kuya ko at yung isa, papa ko. But eventually, LB pa rin bagsak ko. I don't like to work in Makati or in Manila...Takot kase ako. Parang di ako sheltered dun.

And now, I've been working for more than a year now. I have matured a lot...I can tell. Pero bakit ngayon uuwi lang ako eh kinakabahan pa ako? Naghalf day ako ngayon kase uuwi na sana ako pero di ako natuloy... Pero bukas ng umaga, uuwi na ako. Kaya ko naman 'to eh. Normal lang siguro yung kinakabahan. This is not my first time to go home alone anyway. I guess I just have to deal with my kaba everytime magttravel magisa :)

Paano Kaya Si FIONA?

Meron akong malaking problema. Uuwi kase sana ako bukas sa Tarlac for the holidays (Elections & Undas), kaya lang naisip ko, san ko kaya iiwan si Fiona? Hehe, Fiona is my wonder dog who lives with me sa apartment. Well, kasama ko din kuya ko pero lagi siyang wala, so si Fiona lang talaga ang aking super housemate and constant companion. Di ko naman siya pwedeng iuwi kase di ba magko-commute lang ako. Naku, ano kaya ang gagawin ko sa kanya?

Ano sa tingin niyo?

A. Ihahabilin ko siya kay Ate (Si Ate ay ang aming friendly neighbor who does our laundry)

B. I will take her with me (Di nga ako sanay umuwing mag-isa, tapos may aso pa
akong dala? At pwede ba ang aso sa bus? Pano kung my bombing na maganap?)

C. Iiwan ko nalang siya sa bahay (She will starve to death, kawawa naman baby ko. Tsk.Tsk.)

D. Pakakawalan ko nalang siya sa kalsada (...at hahanapin ko nalang pagbalik ko? No way!)

Buti pa ang 2 flowerhorns ng Kuya ko, bibili lang siya ng maliliit na isda at ilalagay sa aquarium. Ang dami ay depende kung ilang araw kami mawawala...At pagbalik namin, buhay pa din. Hay... Pano na kaya si FIONA?

A Reason, A Season, Or A Lifetime

'People come and go,' a friend said. 'Indeed,' I replied. This conversation happened about a week ago. The times when we're emoting our heart out. Then I remembered this poem...and I felt much better.

People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime...

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need
you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part
or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.

What we must realize is that our need has been met,
our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered
and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon
in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson,
love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life.