LB and I BLENDS Well

"When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go."- J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

After 3 weekends of hibernating in Makati and not wanting to be in LB, thank God, I had no choice but to be back there. I don't know but LB makes me feel better. Lagi ko ngang sinasabi, 'If I'm in LB, I'm immune.' Even if I only stayed there for a day, I feel so re-charged. I guess I'm all well =D


It's Ma'am Ciejay's despedida so I really need to be in LB. She's leaving for New Zealand. Pictures taken at ARLA, a cozy restaurant in Bay Laguna. We decided to have dinner there because we don't want to deal with the over crowded LB Square and grove.
I soooooooo love Coffee Blends! This is our favorite tambayan sa YuPiElBi. I made a caricature of us four, and post it in their cork board (it's a sort of bulletin were you can post anything...it can be a message to your crush or your wish to God to pass an exam, or even a message to your most hated prof, hehe).
Muahugz to Ma'am Ciejay who served as our MONEYger during the night hehe, Ninong Ryan na super gwapo pa din (cam shy more than ever) at pumayag nang maging Ninong sa kasal ko kahit wala pa akong groom hehe, kay Eisen na tinapunan ako ng frappe and Weeway who made it to Blends kahit late na. Thanks guys for making it a perfect night!

bL!nK

And just like that, you vanished, very much like a soap bubble floating across air. I have watched you in complete awe, wonder and even fascination. And similar to any ethereal fleeting moment, you were gone, leaving me clueless as to whether you even existed in the first place.

It's My Mom's Birthday!

OMG! I almost forgot that today is my mom's birthday if not for my brother. Grabe talaga, I lost track of dates na. I thought next week pa, kaya nga I'm planning to go home sa Tarlac this coming weekend eh. But anayway, thanks to Kuya Jerrold.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA!

I love you soooooo much!

Today is Our 4th Year Anniversary!

I

Cheers to Batch Syngamy, 2004-A of UP Sigma Alpha Sorority!

I

Carmel~Inna~Joan~June~Karen~Kate~Lhot~Nerissa~Ritch~Vanessa

I

In Truth,Leadership, Loyaty, we remain!

I

I

SYNGAMY a.k.a. fertilization or the union/fusion of gametes to form a zygote. For us, this is the union of 10 different women to form 1 soul. Hehe I will not go deeper into the details but for sure, my college life will never be as fun and colorful if not for them. Anyway here's our batch song. a song very dear to my heart =)

I

I

WIN

I

Dark is the night

I can weather the storm

Never say die

I’ve been down this road before

I’ll never quit

I’ll never lay down

See I promised myself I would never let me down

I

(chorus)

So I’ll never give up

Never give in

Never let a ray of doubt slip in

And if I fall

I’ll never fade

I’ll just get up and try again

Never lose hope

Never lose faith

There’s much too much at stake

Upon myself I must depend

I’m not looking for a place ashore

I’m gonna win

I

Won’t stop me now

There’s still a ways to go

Some way somehow

Whatever it takes I know

I’ll never quit

I’ll never go down

I’ll make sure they remember my name 100 years from now

I

(chorus)

I

When it’s all said and done

My once in a lifetime won’t be back again

Now is the time, for me to stand

Here is my chance, that’s why i

I

(chorus)

Diary of a Broken Heart

this post is dedicated to all those going through difficult matters of the heart!”

diary of a broken heart”, this was my planned title for a diary-of-sorts that i wanted to write when i was brokenhearted once. i thought to myself, what if isulat ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko araw araw sa loob ng isang buong taon, then i’d be able to read it when i am healed, and see my journey from a new point of view, from denial to anger to bitterness to hope to healing (or whatever jumbled order you’ve experienced in your own love life) and maybe, it might be able to help future broken hearts out there.

but, i never got to writing it.

siguro dahil sa sobrang sakit, kapag naiisip kong magsulat, nananalo na lang yung kagustuhan kong magmukmok sa isang tabi. imbis na mag-effort pa ako na mag-isip at magpagod, ginusto ko na lang na wala na lang akong intindihin. hanggang sa lumipas ang mga linggo, mga buwan, i went through all kinds of emotions (na slightly nakakabaliw talaga yung iba ha!), until one day, i was okay.

having said all that, and having heard some of the most saddening break-up stories the past weeks, allow me to try to reconstruct a few of the things i’ve learned in life, and love, that might help that broken heart of yours or of someone you know.

1. on advice.

kapag brokenhearted ka.. no advice said to you will make you feel better. none. as in. wala. kahit ano, walang effect. kapag brokenhearted ka, the only thing that you think will make you feel better is if the one you love will say they love you too. but they won’t. (in some cases, they won’t ever, but in some, they won’t just for this point in time.) hugs will comfort you, concerned texts will make you smile, but no amount of advice will make you feel better.. unless! unless you decide to let it make you feel better. don’t be pressured though to follow everyone’s advice. kanya-kanya lang yan. of the one hundred cliché lines thrown at you at an attempt to make you feel better, most will not make you feel better (in fact, some will make you feel worse), but there will be a few major lines (not necessarily given by those closest to you, mind you) that will speak to you and touch your heart and soothe your soul. those pieces of advice, you hold on to.

2. on prayer.

a broken heart will wake up some days so unbelievably hopeless and wanting to just stay in bed all day. some will even go all out in saying they want to die (but of course you don’t really want to die, right?) a broken heart will wake up some days feeling somewhat rested and peaceful, but with a slight fear that they might encounter something that day that will bring back all the pain. whatever mood the broken heart wakes up in, one thing remains. it’s a broken heart. and this may sound cheesy or false to some, but there is only one thing that can heal all things broken. our LoRd and personal savior, JeSus ChRisT. when your heart is peaceful, give thanks. when your heart is troubled, still give thanks and ask for deliverance. when your heart is shattered into a million pieces, still give thanks, and ask that you may learn whatever life lesson it is that He wants you to learn. in both high and low, give thanks, because it is one of the surest things in life that GoD only works for the good of those who love Him.

3. on moving on.

don’t be pressured! for some it takes weeks. for some, months. for some, years! of course no one likes the pain that a broken heart brings. (its pain like no other! araaay talaga grabe!) but, you have to go through it. there is no short cut, there is no other way. go through it. go and let it out. cry before you sleep, cry when you wake up, cry in the bathroom, cry to your friends. lock yourself in the room, stay in bed all day, don’t talk to anyone for hours, make senti all you want. do it all. don’t let anybody stop you. (but don’t let it get in the way of school or work or the things you have to do either! okay? okay.) feel all those yucky, disgusting, heart-shattering feelings, curl it all up into this unbelievably sad ball, and one day, when you are ready, throw it out the window. it will happen for you. i know you feel it won’t, that the day you will be okay will never come, but it will. have faith, it will.

let me stop at this third point and end by saying that i’ve felt all those feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that you might be feeling right now. and, honestly, so have thousands, and millions of other people around you. it sucks. it really does. but hey. nobody said that it would be easy, but nobody said that you have to do it alone.

all this i share with pure sincerity from the bottom of my happy heart, to your soon-to-be happy heart! :)

~a post from Bianca Gonzales

The Falling...and the Rise

"I have a feeling that you're riding for some kind of a terrible, terrible fall. But I don't honestly know what kind.... It may be the kind where, at the age of thirty, you sit in some bar hating everybody who comes in looking as if he might have played football in college. Then again, you may pick up just enough education to hate people who say, 'It's a secret between he and I.' Or you may end up in some business office, throwing paper clips at the nearest stenographer. I just don't know...

...This fall I think you're riding for - it's a special kind of fall, a horrible kind. The man falling isn't permitted to feel or hear himself hit bottom. He just keeps falling and falling. The whole arrangement's designed for men who, at some time or other in their lives, were looking for something their own environment couldn't supply them with. Or they thought their own environment couldn't supply them with. So they gave up looking. They gave it up before they ever really even got started...

...I don't want to scare you, but I can very clear see you dying nobly, one way or another, for some highly unworthy cause.

"The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly
for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live
humbly for one" ~Wilhelm Stekel

...I think that one of these days, you're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to loose time. Not you...

...And I think you'll find, once you get past all the [things that you can't understand] you're going to start getting closer and closer-that is, if you want to, and if you look for it and wait for it-to the kind of information that will be very, very dear to your heart...

....Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them - if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry."

~J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

I Suppose...

I
PERFECT DESTINATION

We met out of the blue
everything is just perfect
from out of nowhere
we just connected
and yet I still disappear
leaving you with no trace
I know, I am just being...
Just being coward and selfish
I don't deserve you
You don't deserve a fool like me.
For my life is still unconsciously
broken down to pieces
ultimately letting my heart
feel the pain and trauma
that makes me go away.





...this is for me

How's Your Weekend Sweetie?

SADurday...

It was a very sad day for me...I do not know but I woke up feeling so depressed. I'm not sure if it's because of the weather. It was raining the whole day. Or was it because of the book I was reading? Maybe because my room mates are moving out to another apartment...I'm also suppose to move to my new apartment in Makati, but I just don't feel like it that day. I even put the blame on AR because we met Friday night...I asked him to accompany me buy a book. But we didn't talk much. I supposed he will ask me if I'm ok... I miss the long talks. But we spent hours in the coffeeshop...him reading newspaper, and I, reading my book and staring at my coffee. Or maybe it's becuase of my younger brother who dropped by to see me and declined to eat out because he has a class. I don't know. I miss home. I felt so damn alone and I was crying the whole day. When your hurt, everything is so depressing.

Thanks to my friend, Kuya Joel who's always willing to look stupid just to make me smile...and to best budd Dwight, who always checks on me even if I know that he is already kinda irritated, of me being a crybaby for the past days... and to my housemates-not-anymore: Aia, for the hug Elaine & Claire for the company and the ones who kept reminding me that I haven't eaten anything the whole day.

Thank you so much!


Sunday...

Not so sad anymore...kase kakatusan daw ako ni Kuya Joel. And because I missed eating the other day, I had my breakfast early, then nag mirienda pa ako... then lunch... mirienda ulet... and dinner =) I spent most of my time reading the book I bought with AR. The story is kinda depressing but I find it very humorous...I mean the way it was written, it made me laugh sobra. Di pa din ako lumilipat, I'm not in the mood to change my environment yet. Anyway, thanks again to Aia, Elaine, Claire and her cousin Juvina for the laughs and company.

Smile =)

Better not to mind the thing that depresses you, coz it only makes you weak inside & out. There are lot of things you can give your time into. Don't get stuck with the thing that ruins your day. Smile and be happy! Life's too short to be wasted on crap! -a text from a friend

Paper Cut

Huhu nap-paper cut na naman ako :(
I hate this.
Lagi nalang akong nasusugat sa mga di naman sana nakakasugat.

Another One

1) What's your favorite childhood memory?
* Haha playing super heroes with my 3 brothers. My costume pa kami nun. Ang Kuya Christian I think is Superman, Kuya Jerrold is Spiderman, ako Batman at si JR Robin haha! Nag-uunahan kaming umakyat sa double-deck at tatalon sa bed ng paulit-ulet.

2) If your house was burning down and you only had time to save one thing, what would it be?
* Photo albums promise...though I already have soft copies of some, di lahat. Ay si Fiona my dog! how can I forget?!

3) If you won $100 million (tax free), how would you spend it?
* Wow! Travel galore...shopping hehe... siyempre magnenegosyo...donation sa orphange at home for the aged...at siyempre matutupad na ang aking scholarship foundation, yey!

4) If you were reincarnated, would you want to come back as a man or a woman?
* Hmmmm... lalake? ay no pala babae pa din siguro hehe.

5) WHY? WHY THE HELL NOT?
* Ayaw kong manligaw eh, haha! Torpe ako pag lalake ako. At saka I think mas sweet ako pag babae ako...most of all, I want to be a mother and a wife.

6) Based on your experience, can men and women ever just be friends?
* Oo naman. Bestfriends ko guys and their the best! Pag friends kase dapat walang talunan.

7) If you could take back one mistake, what would it be?
* Hmmm...wag nalang ayaw ko ng may babaguhin pa eh.

8) When was the last time you cried?
* Yesterday morning. (T_T)

9) What's the most mischievous thing you remember doing as a child?
* Tinatago ko ang kabiyak ng tsinelas ng mga nakakaaway ko haha! Minsang malakas ang ulan nilagyan ko din ng putik ang lahat ng makita ko sa sala cause my mom wouldn't allow me to go sa peryahan. Napalo ako =(

10) If you could apologize to one person you’ve hurt, who would it be and what would you say?
* I always apologize if I hurt people and if I know that I'm wrong. Though there are really times na we are not aware if we're hurting someone. Hmmm...I'm really not sure if I've hurt him...But in case, I want to tell him I'm sorry. If I did something wrong, you could have told me. Napag-usapan sana ng maayos...na-explain ko sana yung part ko because I really don't know what went wrong. Nakikita ko lang na parang masama ang loob mo, though I'm not certain kung sa'ken. But since you decided to keep your silence, I respect that. Basta always look for things that will make you happy. ok? ok.

11) What sort of worries keep you up at night?
* Health ng mom ko at papa. Their not getting any younger na kase tapos lahat kami wala sa bahay. But I'm always praying naman. Ano pa ba? hmmm...kung wala akong personal problems and I'm lucky kase minsan lang talaga dumating... problema ng mundo, pilipinas, ibang tao haha! Pag di kase ako makatulog kung anu-ano pumapasok sa isip ko.

12) What's a good way to cure a broken heart?
*Sana lang alam ko noh...hehe chocolates will do. Hang out with close friends and do things that interest you. Sa'ken kase if I'm hurt, eh di iiyak ako, di ko siya itatago kase masmahirap. I just need time to grieve hehe...pero siyempre dapat naman after that return back to your normal life. It's not easy but we have no choice but to move on.

13) Being honest with yourself, do you judge others by their outer appearances at first glance?
*Hmmm...papanong judgement hehe? Minsan pag may nakakasakay ako sa sasakyan or nakakasalubong sasabihin ko sa sarili ko, 'nakakatakot naman mukha siyang snatcher...or maniac...' so lalayuan ko siya hehe...but I know better naman. We all know na di nakikita sa itsura ang ugali ng tao. Even angels can do evil things.

14) If you were brain dead, would you want to be kept alive by a ventilator? Why or why not?
* Hangga't hindi ako kinukuha ni Lord, I'd rather be kept alive. Malay mo may may magandang bagay pa na mangyari while I'm in coma. Parang 'Just Like Heaven' haha!

15) Do you think religion should be taught in schools? why or why not?
* Ok lang. Just for the children to be aware na there exists various religions habang maaga and for them to develop respect na rin sa iba't-ibang religions.

16) Why are many people against homosexuals?
* Ewan. Maybe because of our very conservative culture. For me, I have nothing against them naman as long na wala silang ginagawang masama.

17) Can men and women ever be completely equal? Should they?
* Hay naku I hate this issue na walang katapusan. What's the big deal ba? May mga bagay lang talaga na ginagawa ng lalake na di kayang gawin ng babae and vice versa. At saka wala naman akong nakikitang discrimination when it comes sa society naten ngayon. Babae nga President naten di ba? Alam mo yun, lagi nating pinipilit that we should be treated equally...tapos we think men na ungentlemen kapag hindi tayo pinapaupo sa bus or whatever...Ok lang sana kung kaya nating panindigan. Haaaay, it's just that men and women cannot be COMPLETELY EQUAL. Accept this and move on.

18) Do long distance relationships work?
* Hmmm, im not sure about this...pero if you love and trust each other, wala akong nakikitang problema.

19) Should second chances be given to someone who has broken your trust?
* It depends.

20) Would you raise your child the same way your parents raised you?
* Oh yes...pero siyempre may babaguhin din hehe.

21) Do you believe that sex offenders can change?
* Sex offenders? Like rapists and maniacs? I don't know but for sure di ako lalapit sa kanila.

22) What do cigarettes, fairies and a talking unicorn have in common?
* Hala di ko alam. Pare-pareho silang my letter I, haha! Can smokers answer this?

23) Do you think it's possible for two people to stay together forever?
* Oo naman, with conviction haha!

24) Have all the obstacles and problems you been through in life made you stronger? How?
* Oo naman ulet hehe..lahat naman tayo siguro.

Survey Ulet...

1. Latest na na-realize mo? It's hard to deal with wierdos.

2.Dapat gawin pag nalulungkot? Feel it. Cry if you want. Then after that, move on...eat good foods...think of happy thoughts. Decide to be happy. Life is short.

3. Pangarap mong gawin na hindi mo pa nagagawa? Celebrate my birthday sa orpahange or sa home for the aged. I've been in these places several times, but I want to go there on my birthday. I'll do that next year... Tapos I want to give scholarships to at least 5 students for them to finish college. If possible, I want to have a scholarship foundation. Isa pa pala, I want to have at least one exhibit showcasing my paintings =)

4. Favorite food? Pizza =D

5. Favorite Place To Be? Beach!

6.What's the title of the song that's stuck in your mind? Way Back Into Love, long time favorite =)

7. Pangarap mong summer get-away trip? Bohol or Batanes =D pwede din sa Bali, Hawaii, Phuket...yey! haha!

8.Isang bagay na hinding hindi mo tatanggihan? loooooong vacation!

9. Masayang libangan kapag umuulan? Maligo sa ulan with someone special. Hehe have not tried it yet. Or siyempre coffee with friends...usap usap lang about life.

10. Isang bagay na pag-iipunan mo nang husto? Wala eh...travel siguro.

11. Gagawin mo sa susunod mong birthday? Yun nga celebrate it sa orphanage or home for the aged.

12. Hindi mo makayanan o matagalan? Feeling gwapo...sobrang yabang...KSP

13. Gusto mong panoorin sa sine? Kahit ano basta feel good movie ayaw ko muna ng drama.

14. Do you love cooking? Oh yes, but I'm not good at it masyado. Hmmm...someday I'll be hehe, I'll go to a culinary school when I need it na at pag may time na. Favorite kong TV show yung Iron Chef America, then super crush ko sa Jamie Oliver, I watch all his shows...then sa local Ka-Toque. Crush ko si chubby Jonah. Actually, halos lahat ng chef crush ko, hehe.

15. Paano ka ma-badtrip? Hehe halata kase i'll frown or tataas ang kilay ko.

16. Matagal ka ba maligo? Hmmm...pinakamabilis 20mins pinakamatagal 1hour...depende.

17. Kumakain ka ba ng vegetables? Of course.

18. Tamad ka? Hehe super. Pero nasa lugar naman haha!

19. Sino palagi mong kausap sa phone? Kuya Jerrold ko. Tamad kase yun magtext eh...

20. Sino palagi mong ka-text? family and best buddies--- dwight & ar

Yellow

OSG Sportsfest has ended and we landed 2nd in volleyball. Pero Yellow Team ang overall champion. Cheers!

Moments during championship.
Teamates who became my friends in the office.

Walang Magawa

Another survey...at least I can relate to this one.


1) You're really upset; who is the first guy you go to?
** Mga super bestfriends, pseudo-brothers ko, Dwight or AR.

2) You're really upset; who is the first girl you go to?
** Si Kimmy but she's in Spain. Lhot naman asa Dubai. Si Tin pag asa LB ako. Or si Rica, andito lang siya sa Makati...Or si Tamcyn...Or si Rasha. It will really depend kung ano problema ko.

3) Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
** Not really. Pero sana di nalang.

4) Last person you texted?
** My younger brother, Jay-Ar.

5) Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
** At night...

6) Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
** Sa cp ko, my Kuya Jerrold.

7) Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
** Oo naman.

8) Do you remember the name of your first school you ever went to?
** sa Batangas City Kindergarten...

9) Have you ever tattooed anyone's name on you?
** I have no tatoo.

10) How many piercings do you have?
** 2 on both ears

11) Which year has been the best so far?
** Hmmm... this will be =)

12) Last time you laughed really hard?
** Last night sa coffee shop. I was suppose to be lonely, pero Dwight won't let me. Tapos dumating si AR. Lalo nang di ako nakapag-emote.

13) Where is your phone?
** Infront of me...sa drawer ng table ko dito sa office.

14) What color phone do you have?
** Fuschia

15) What color are your eyes?
**Dark brown

16) What are you doing tomorrow?
** Office...after maybe malling...coffee. Not sure.

17) Does a heartbreak feel as bad as it sounds?
** But of course! Tinatanong pa ba yan?

18) What happened at 10:00 am today?
**Andito lang ako sa office, sitting infront of my laptop.

19) Do you need to say anything to anyone?
** Hmmmm...depende.

20) What were you doing at 7AM?
** Bagong gising.

21) How do you feel?
** A lot better than the past days.

22) When was the last time you cried?
** A week ago?

23) What do you think of your number 3 on your featured friends?
** Tinanggal ko na ang mga featured friends ko eh. But before si Tin. Define sobrang bait, siya na yun.

24) What is bothering you right now?
** Not worth it...

25) Ever seen somebody get shot?
** Hindi pa. At di ko papangaraping makakita.

26) Where are you?
** Dito sa office...

27) The thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you?
** Not anymore.

28) Do you get butterflies every time you see the one you like?
** Always.

29) What are you looking forward to?
** Umuwi sa'men. I miss home.

30) Is it hard for you to get over with people?
** Depende sa tao.

31) Do you get mad or discouraged when you're wrong?
** No. not at all.

32) What was the first thing you did when you woke up?
** Pinatay ko alarm ng cp ko.

33) Are you crazy?
** There are times...

34) Last thing you drank?
** Water

35) How was your weekend?
** I was kinda upset pa...I stayed lang sa apartment di ako umuwi sa LB. Pero naghanap kami ng apartment sa Makati nung Saturday tapos we went to a spa. Nung Sunday kumain ng kumain at natulog ng natulog.

36) Are you happy right now?
** I'm not super happy but I'm fine.

37) What did you do today?
** 2am na ako nakauwi kanina kase nagbonding kami nina Dwight at AR sa coffeeshop at kumain ng kumain...3am na ako natulog...I woke up @ 7...went to Office ng 8:30 (andami kong nagawa today in fairness)...later practice ng cheer dance...then I'll meet Rica sa Greenbelt @ 6 later. We'll have dinner together... then coffee. Then uwi...maybe I'll watch TV or read a book. Then tulog.

Survey

...Got this survey sa friendster bulletin. If I'm super bored, I answer all the surveys in there. But I do not repost them. Dito lang sa blog. Kahit minsan not applicable sa'ken mga questions like this survey, hehe. I answered some questions in a way na makaka-relate ako. This one is entitled, The Hurt Survey...



THE HURT SURVEY


1) Would you spend the rest of your life with your current partner?
*Wala eh. Never had a boyfriend pa.

2)Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
* Si Erika, beso... haha I always do beso my friends. Sure all over again. Pero kung kiss talaga, I want my first boyfriend to be my first kiss.

3) Are you crushing on someone?
* Huh?! As in crush? Marami akong crush.

4) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt?
* Oo naman.

5) Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
* Never had a boyfriend nga. But I hope I will not make him cry. I'll do my best not to.

6) Are you happier single or in a relationship?
* Di ko alam. Never been in a relationship pa nga. I'm happy being single though.

7) Have you ever told someone you loved them and didnt mean it?
* NO...pag nagsabi ako ng I love you, I really mean it. Ayaw ko kase nagagasgas yung salita.

8) Have you ever had your heart broken?
* Oo. I get easily hurt eh.

9) Have you ever broken someone's heart?
* Siguro. But I didn't mean it. I will not say no just for the sake of breaking someone else's heart.

10) Talk to any of your exes?
* Not applicable ulet, haha! Pero why not di ba? Usap lang naman eh.

11) If you could go back in time and change 1 thing, would you?
*Hmmmm...wala nalang. Wala din namang kasiguraduhan if everything will work the way I want it if ever may baguhin ako.

12) Think any of your exes, do u feel the same?
* NA

13) Do you believe that you are a good boyfriend or girlfriend?
* I really can't say. Pero I'm sure na pag nagka-bf ako, I will love him soooo much and I will do my best to make him happy.

14) Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
* Oo naman... lahat naman nagkakamali... pero siyempre depende pa rin sa madaming bagay.

15) Do you want to get married?
* Of course.

16) Ever liked someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?
* If I know na may girlfriend, wag nalang. Crush siguro.

17) Have you told anyone you'd marry them?
* Hindi pa!

18) How many times have you really truly been in love?
* Hindi pa naman ako nagkaka-bf eh...hmmmm, I'll not answer this question nalang.

19) Do you think you'll wind up with the person you are dating?
* Wala na eh... Grabe I rarely date talaga. May chaperone pa ako lagi, haha! Hindi din ako nagddate ng iba't-ibang tao at the same time. Isa lang, pipili lang talaga ako kung sino gusto ko kilalanin. Tapos pag nag-flop pa yung dating, I need to rest muna. Para hindi unfair sa susunod, dapat ready na ulet ako 100%.

Remaining Open...

My favorite chapter in the Book of Paolo Coelho's Like a Flowing River...





There are times when we long to be able to help someone whom we love very much, but we can do nothing. Circumstances will not allow us to approach them, or the person is closed off to any gesture of solidarity and support.

Then all we are left with is love. At such times, when we can do nothing else, we can still love - without expecting any reward or change or gratitude.

If we do this, the energy of love will begin to transform the universe about us. Wherever this energy appears, it always achieves its ends. 'Time does not transform man. Will power does not transform man. Love transforms,' says Henry Drummond.

I read in the newspaper about a little girl in Brasília who was brutally beaten by her parents. As a result, she lost all physical movement, as well as the ability to speak.Once admitted to hospital, she was cared for by a nurse who said to her every day: 'I love you.' Although the doctors assured her that the child could not hear and that all her efforts were in vain, the nurse continued to say: 'Don't forget, I love you.'

Three weeks later, the child recovered the power of movement. Four weeks later, she could again talk and smile. The nurse never gave any interviews, and the newspaper did not publish her name, but let me set this down here, so that we never forget: love cures.

Love transforms and love cures; but, sometimes, love builds deadly traps and can end up destroying a person who had resolved to give him or herself completely. What is this complex feeling which, deep down, is the only reason we continue to live, struggle and improve?It would be irresponsible of me to attempt to define it, because I, along with every other human being, can only feel it. Thousands of books have been written on the subject, plays have been put on, films produced, poems composed, sculptures carved out of wood or marble; and yet all any artist can convey is the idea of a feeling, not the feeling itself.

But I have learned that this feeling is present in the small things, and manifests itself in the most insignificant of our actions. It is necessary, therefore, to keep love always in mind, regardless of whether or not we take action.

Picking up the phone and saying the affectionate words we have been postponing. Opening the door to someone who needs our help. Accepting a job. Leaving a job. Taking a decision that we were putting off for later. Asking forgiveness for a mistake we made and which keeps niggling at us. Demanding a right that is ours. Opening an account at the local florist's, which is a far more important shop than the jeweller's. Putting music on really loud when the person you love is far away, and turning the volume down when he or she is near. Knowing when to say 'yes' and 'no', because love works with all our energies. Discovering a sport that can be played by two. Not following any recipe, not even those contained in this paragraph, because love requires creativity.

And when none of this is possible, when all that remains is loneliness, then remember this story that a reader once sent to me.A rose dreamed day and night about bees, but no bee ever landed on her petals.The flower, however, continued to dream. During the long nights, she imagined a heaven full of bees, which flew down to bestow fond kisses on her. By doing this, she was able to last until the next day, when she opened again to the light of the sun.

One night, the moon, who knew of the rose's loneliness, asked: 'Aren't you tired of waiting?''Possibly, but I have to keep trying.''Why?''Because if I don't remain open, I will simply fade away.'At times, when loneliness seems to crush all beauty, the only way to resist is to remain open.

~ Like the Flowing River, © 2006 by Paulo Coelho

I Say the Darnest Things

My closest friends always tell me that I say the darnest things... Ewan bigla ko nalang siyang nasasabi out of nowhere. Minsan nagtataka din ako kung san ko nakuha yun. I've listed some of those I remembered.

1. 'Grabe noh? Ang dami na nating nabasa...Siguro kung pagdudugsung-dugsungin natin lahat ng sentences, mababalot na niya ang buong mundo.'
(...at the dorm, while reviewing super long readings needed for our exam with my soulmate-sister Lhot, I paused and interrupted her to tell this.

2. 'Ganito kase yun, bawat tao may nakakabit na pisi tapos sa dulo ng pisi andun yung tao na gusto ni God para sa atin. Yun parang invisible and unbreakable na tali na nagdidikit sa dalawang taong meant for each other. Bawat araw umiiksi ang pisi and eventually, magmimeet sila. Minsan lang nadedelay ang meeting, kase sumasabit sa ibang pisi... minsan sobrang nabubuhol kaya mahirap tanggalin...but eventually magmimeet pa din.' (...lines na lagi kong ginagamit sa mga friends ko when I am explaining about my concept of destiny. Haha, I know it sounds stupid pero that's my interpretation. Tapos tatanungin nila ako pano daw kung may gumunting ng tali? Eh kaya nga unbreakable di ba? Duh!...Kaya pag may crush ako, lagi nila akong binibiro na baka siya na daw ang kadugsong ng pisi ko, haha!)

3. Pwedeng totoong rice yung sa'ken, please?
(...minsang kumakain kami sa labas with my family. Siyempre kumunot ang noo nung waiter. Nagsalita na lang ang Papa and told him to give me a plain rice instead of fried rice. Hehe sorry naman. Sa bahay at close friends ko nga lang pala acceptable yung term ko. Totoong rice at totoong pagkain ang tawag ko sa plain rice and lutong- bahay na food =)

4. 'Pano if we have the choice na pumili kung san naten ilalagay ang bawat parte ng katawan naten? Anong itsura niyo? Ako siguro ilalagay ko ang isang mata ko sa likod...kaw?' (...traffic and boring, inside the car with friends. Naisip ko lang habang pinagmamasdan ko ang mga taong naglalakad. Since then, past time na naming mag-isip ng itsura ng tao kung iba't-iba ang pwesto ng body parts. If you will see us na mamamatay sa katatawa when I'm with my close friends, malamang nagko-conceptualize kami, haha! Sa tingin mo may magaaway kaya dahil tinulad niya yung itsura ng isa? Siyempre touch-move. Di na pwede baguhin ang nadesign mo.)

5. 'Alam mo, kelangan naten isuot lahat ng damit naten, kase malulungkot yung iba kapag di naten sila sinusuot.'
(...kay Lhot ulet nung tinatanong niya ko kung bakit di pa ako nagpapa-laundry. I have the attitude kase to wear only my favorite clothes kahit paulit-ulet. So kung di ako magpalaundry, wala akong choice kundi gamitin ang iba. Kung di ko sila naisuot, ipamimigay ko nalang para di sila malungkot.)


But recently, di ko kinaya ang tanong sa'ken ng 3 years old kong inaanak while we're walking in the park: 'Ninang, san ang paa ng aso...yung sa harap o yung sa likod?' How will I answer such question na hindi ko na kelangang magpaliwanag?

My Final Attempt...

Please don't let me down...

OVER REACTING

My close guy friend said that I am over reacting sa nangyayari... Pero anong magagawa ko yun nararamdaman ko... I'm too transparent. I'm too vulnerable...Is there anything wrong with that? Sorry naman... He said ok lang naman kase sa kanila ko lang naman sinasabi but I just have to control daw my emotions and be more mature sa pag-hahandle ng feelings ko. Hay immature lang siguro ako. Sigh =(

Chocolates and Coffee

CHOCOLATES...

FACT: Eating chocolate makes you happy because it contains phenylephylamine
- the same hormone the brain triggers when you fall in love. Phenylephylamine
also increases mood and decreases depression.

Di ako masyadong mahilig sa chocolates. I mean I enjoy eating them but I'm not the type who goes gaga over a box of sweets. But this day puro chocolates laman ng tiyan ko, feeling ko nga maooverdose na ko. Uminom ako ng 1 glass of milo, kumain ng 1 bar ng toblerone, cudburry chocettes, 8 pieces of kisses, 1 slice ng chocolate cake, 3 choknuts, at chocolate icecream...hay siguro naman I will feel a lot better now.

...Question lang, bakit chocolates ang ka-partner ng roses when suitors give it to girls? hmmm... dahil ba sweet? eh madami namang ibang sweets eh like leche flan, salad, jellies, cake, candies...hehe dahil nga siguro sa phenylephylamine. Pero alam na ba nila dati yun? I just wonder sinong unang guy ang nagbigay ng chocolate sa girl.

...I was 6 when I first received chocolates from a friend. Swear, I still remember it. She put them inside my pencil case.

...Haha, another funny childhood memory. Minsang naiwan kami sa bahay nagmagaling ang Kuya Christian, our eldest, na magluto ng scrambled egg. Guess what?! Nilagyan niya ng milo, asukal at patis. He ate some at sabi niya samen masarap. So tumikim din kaming 3. Yikes! That's the wierdest thing I've ever tasted.

...When I was in high school, someone leaves 3 pieces of choknuts on my desk everyday for 2 weeks. Never found out who that was. I never ate them either.

...Favorite pasalubong ko from my kuya jerrold ang chocolate chips =)

...In LB, there's a cake shop who sells chocolate cake na ang name ay 'better than sex.' Sobrang mabenta yun sa LB.

...When I feel sad or depressed, I eat chocolate talaga. I'm not sure if it makes me happy. But I feel better after eating them.


COFFEE...

I think I like coffee more than chocolates. Pero nung nagwowork nalang ako natutong uminom ng kape. Way back in college, umiinom lang ako ng coffee pag may exams because I have to stay awake to review my lessons. Pero lalo naman akong inaantok after kong uminom. Coke and an apple are more effective if you want to stay up.

...Bonding moment namin ng mga friends ko ang pumunta sa coffee shop. There we can discuss everything under the sun kahit hanggang umaga.

...When I'm home, di ako umiinom ng kape. Nagagalit mom ko. Sabi niya I have to drink milk daw instead of coffee para lumaki daw ako. Funny, doesn't she know na sagad na itong tangkad ko? Baka ibig niyang sabihin, para tumaba ako. Siguro nga. She always tell me na ang payat payat ko.

...At dahil health buff ang mga tao sa bahay, decaf lagi ang coffee sa house.

...Minsan try niyo ang coffee and tuyo sa rice.

...And speaking of coffee, have you seen the latest commercial of Nescafe? Yung umuulan? Yun parang bumagal ang oras then the guy has able to catch a raindrop tapos ginawa niyang pendant nung girl...So sweet. I always love their comercials, sobrang gaganda. But this one is the best. Kakainlove =) See it @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cL43EVG2T84

A Letter to a Stranger

Dear Stranger,

Definitely this letter will not reach you. I will not let you and absolutely do not want you to read this. But somehow, I'm wishing that destiny will find ways for you to be able to see this. Funny and impossible...so I guess this will remain unread. It will only serve as an outlet of my emotion...a pocket-full of words I am feeling this moment...of what I really wanted to say but will never ever have the courage so I am keeping this to myself.

Knowing you was totally unexpected. It just happened one significant day and since then, you have managed to become a part of my everydays. You were right when you said that it is not easy for me to trust someone...the more if that someone, I have only known online. I can't just give my trust to someone who gave me a very sweet online invitation for a date...to someone who wrote me an online letter expressing his intent to know me more...to someone who's too sweet and too good to be true. But believe it or not, in that very very short period of time, you have earned my trust. Because if not, why did I find myself going out with a total stranger?

Maybe it's the sinscerity of your every word that made me want to meet you. And when I did, I know from my heart that you are indeed a good person. But there is something in your eyes that is scaring me. I think I saw pain...hatreds...insecurieties. Behind your kindness and sweetness... the person I have known or maybe the person you want me to see, I am seeing a total stranger. A stranger who has so many hang-ups and bitterness. A stranger who's not yet ready to give his heart. I got scared of you. Of course I have my own fears...but there is something inside me who wants to help you forget. But still I am afraid of you...I am afraid of so many things. It was so confusing.

I remembered you telling me that you do not believe in destiny because in the end, what will matter is our choice. But I believe in both...so I asked God to give me a sign. If He gives it to me, it means I need not to be afraid...it means it's safe to fall. But I want to be sure this time, di ba sabi ko sa'yo sablay lagi ako sa signs... so before I made a deal with Him, I need another sign to tell me that He agrees with me...and He did. I eagerly waited for the sign. After the deadline that I have set, I need to make a decision...whether to continue or not...to decide to fall or not to...I need to, I made a deal. He gave it to me 5 minutes before my set deadline. At exactly 9:55 pm, I received the sign. Pero mukhang sablay na naman ako because just as I received the sign, that's when I started hearing nothing from you. It was so sudden I cannot understand what went wrong.

Today is the third day I am hearing nothing from you. I am so worried if you are ok but I can see that you are fine...I asked you but I received no reply. I know it is too early to say but I guess I am loosing you. I thought it's ok. Afterall, I've only known you for exactly 22 days now. But I'm surprised with my reaction. Why am I missing you? I am missing you so much... Nakakainis ka naman eh...Kung gano ka kabilis dumating sa buhay ko, ganun ka din pala kabilis na mawawala.

I cannot blame you though because you have your own reasons. But I thought you were different. The hell...di nga pala kita kilala. I barely know you. I do not want to hate you because you've been so good to me. But why am I so disappointed? I'm sorry...Kung lalayo ka din pala sana di nalang kita nakilala. I do not know if this is pain, but I feel like throwing up...

Just as when I decided to fully trust, you decided to leave.

How could you...This can't be happening...why is a stranger breaking my heart?

State of Heart

I've been staring at the monitor for the longest time and still I do not know what to write. I cannot find the exact word, phrase or sentence that can describe what is happening. I am not even sure if I'm hurting. But one thing I am certain of is that I am not happy at this moment.



SOMEBODY IS BREAKING MY HEART.